There was a lot of him and a little penis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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