He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
