This girl is more easily done than said...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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