please come you make the beer taste better
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
