winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize