I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
