Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
