The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
