I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
