Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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