I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
