I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
