Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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