my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
