the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
