i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
