9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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