Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize