I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
