saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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