Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
where am i from again
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
