oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
