the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
