I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
