Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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