Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
