His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
