on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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