i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
