If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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