there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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