1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
