I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
