ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize