Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
