I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
