Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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