i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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