I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
