one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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