It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
