after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
