Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
