Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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