i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
