last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
