Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
