the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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