We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
