I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
