I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
