I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
