Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
