North Korea, Best Korea!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
