my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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