She just used a chaser for red wine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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