Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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