just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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